Fear, Loneliness, and the Unexplainable

by Chris Porcelli

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1.
Sits in the sun with her sunglasses on and she Sings every word to the songs on the stereo. Only a moment the whole world is silent, I Don’t hear the waves and I don’t feel the undertow. Frozen in time like the drink in her hand as she Lays in her chair like she’s posed for a magazine. As the sun sets she begins to forget all the Worries that plague her and cause her anxiety. All of it seems far too good to be true and I Realize it’s all just a part of my fantasy. Suddenly everything starts disappearing, I Can’t hear the waves ‘cause they unplugged the stereo. Now the illusions have all been revealed and the Sun is a lamp and the beach is a T.V. screen. Still there’s no place that we’d both rather be as we Bask in the glow of the midnight sun just her and me.
2.
I used to play piano in a five star hotel lobby Until the year that my career became my full-time hobby One day when I came into work I heard the music playing The concierge politely tells me there’s no point in staying They have a new machine that plays all of my songs Somehow I should have seen this day would come along And we will be replaced All things we’ve done erased No memory just in case they Need the space to store the new ones And will we be deleted When we’re found obsolete and They don’t need us anymore I used to play the records on an FM music station Until the day my job became my permanent vacation One day when I came into work I heard the music playing The station manager reminds me there’s no point DJing They have a new machine that plays all of my tunes And now I start to see nobody is immune When will we be replaced All things we’ve done erased No memory just in case they Need the space to store the new ones And will we be deleted When we’re found obsolete and They don’t need us anymore What happened to me? I went to sleep and I woke up a different person who I don’t recognize But they’ve still got my eyes How long have I been out? I had a dream that I was someone who forgot what all the fighting was about But I never had a doubt I used to play with both my children like a loving father Until the day their mother told me that I shouldn’t bother One day when I came home from work I heard the children playing I’m pulled aside and then reminded there’s no point in staying They have a new machine that plays all of my games And now I understand it’s always been the same And we will be replaced All things we’ve done erased No memory just in case they Need the space to store the new ones And will we be deleted When we’re found obsolete and They don’t need us anymore
3.
Clock hands moving on the wall Watched the phone for you to call Waited all night for you Good things come to those who wait When my time comes I’m too late Waited too long for you Soon there’s no more you and I Now it’s time to say goodbye Hate what I have to do But I waited too long for you Time goes with me or without me Now you’re gone and I’m so sorry I don’t know what to do When there’s time enough at last Soon that time becomes the past I waited too long for you
4.
Was I just having a nightmare You weren’t there? Was it just one of my bad dreams With a wake up scream? Is it all too surreal now Or is it real? Is it how I should feel now Of the whole ordeal? I don’t want to weep anymore Or fall asleep on the floor Inches away from my bed With no pillow beneath my head I don’t want to dream anymore Or hear them scream anymore Or feel that hole in my heart Every time that we have to part Was I just having a nightmare You weren’t there? Was it just one of my bad dreams With a wake up scream? I don’t want to weep anymore Or fall asleep on the floor Inches away from my bed With no pillow beneath my head I don’t want to dream anymore Or hear them scream anymore Or feel that hole in my heart Every time that we have to part
5.
I’ve got a rainstorm Here in my pocket I always carry it Wherever I go Sometimes the rainstorm Escapes from my pocket Hangs like a halo above my head and Covers me from head to toe And when I feel cold It turns into snow I had a nightmare When I was a child I always think of it When I’m in the rain I see the rainstorm Windy and wild There on the beach and it’s just out of reach While the lightning runs all through my veins And I’m afraid But I feel no pain I’ve got a rainstorm Here in my pocket And I will carry it Wherever I go
6.
See the girl over there in the red dress The one looking blue when there’s no one around to impress The blonde who coordinates outfits and outdoes the rest But he just sees a girl And he just sees a dress See the boy over there with the green eyes The one in the backyard who can’t keep his eyes off the skies The cold rain cascading to earth like the tears when she cries But he just sees the tears And he doesn’t know why See the lines in the sky of a rainbow The one like the girl next to violet and indigo The stars in the night scene by Vincent Van Gogh But he just sees the lines And he still doesn’t know
7.
The Lonely 02:59
Woke up to the sunrise Reflecting off his phone Dilates the red eyes Sees he’s not alone Opens up the inbox Finds a letter waiting Another bittersweet rejection That’s the price of online dating Searching for that someone He can call his better half And he knows there’s must be someone Who wants to make him laugh He’s alone but he’s not lonely He can’t tell the two apart And he knows he’s not the only one Trying to fill the hole inside his heart Woke up to a sparrow Ringtone on her phone Dies a little inside Wish they’d all leave her alone Opens up the inbox A thousand letters waiting Another tasteless proposition That’s the price of online dating Searching for that someone She can call her better half And she knows there must be someone Who wants to make her laugh She’s alone but she’s not lonely She can’t tell the two apart And she knows she’s not the only one Trying to fill the hole inside her heart He asks her out for coffee She kindly blows him off because She’d rather sit at home and Wait for Mr. Right She’ll wait all night They’re alone but they’re not lonely They can’t tell the two apart And they know they’re not the only ones Trying to fill the hole inside their heart

credits

released July 13, 2018

Lee Davis: Drums
Dennis Groves: Guitar, Bass
Cole Gurley: Baritone Sax
Rachel Hewitt: Vocals
John Hilliard: Flute, Trumpet, Tenor Sax, Oboe
Chris Porcelli: Piano, Electric Piano, Organ, Strings, Vocals, Vocoder


Recorded in February-July 2018
Produced by Chris Porcelli and Dennis Groves
Engineered by Dennis Groves
Mixing Supervised by Chris Porcelli
Album Art by Marília Pagotto
Promotional Material by Sarah Hebert
All lyrics written by Chris Porcelli
© 2018 Chris Porcelli
All rights reserved. Used by permission

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