Paper Clown

by Chris Porcelli

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credits

released May 1, 2015

CHRIS PORCELLI Vocals, Piano, Synth, Vocoder, Strings, Brass, Drums
SCOTT STRATHMAN Bass, Drums
Produced by CHRIS PORCELLI
Recorded in March 2015
Engineer SCOTT STRATHMAN
Mixing Supervised by CHRIS PORCELLI
Vocals on ‘Last Laugh’ by Claudia Rivera
Album Art by Amber Koch
Photography by Amber Koch
All lyrics by CHRIS PORCELLI

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Chris Porcelli Springfield, Missouri

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Track Name: Come See The Clown
Oh, come see the clown with the funny hat,
And the patches on his knees and he’s big and fat,
And he’s got shiny shoes and a red, red nose,
And he makes people laugh, wherever he goes.
Track Name: More Clocks (Less Time)
Your life must be infinitely cooler than mine,
You never seem to find the time for me.
But when you do, a minute’s all you’ve got to spare,
I wonder if you really care for me.

How busy could you possibly be,
With plans and everyone you have to see?
Maybe you’ll call when you’re free.
And like the rabbit said to Alice,
The more clocks we have the less time,
The less time you find for me.

Sometimes I think you’d rather just procrastinate,
Make me wait for you.
They say time flies like an arrow through the skies
A joke about fruit flies

How busy could you possibly be,
With plans and everyone you have to see?
Maybe you’ll call when you’re free.
And like the rabbit said to Alice,
The more clocks we have the less time,
The less time you find for me.

If I had more time I’d be more brief,
I’d steal away a moment from you.
If that’s a crime, then I’m a thief
Stealing just a moment or two.

How busy could you possibly be,
With plans and everyone you have to see?
Maybe you’ll call when you’re free.
And like the rabbit said to Alice,
The more clocks we have the less time,
The less time you find for me.
Track Name: Bad Joke
It would be wrong if you heard this song.
I think no one should hear it at all.
And I hope you believe me,
It’s a bad joke in the comics.
Those are my favorite kind.
They’re bitter and sweet and remind me,
Of lemon Bacardi

It would be fine if she changed her mind.
I think no one is changing at all.
And I hope she reveals me,
She taught me economics,
She knows when I’m losing my mind.
She said that my song kind of sounds like,
Lennon/McCartney

Like a third wheel on a Segway,
Our time’s not our time at all.
You figured me out on the day we,
Met at a party.

It would be fair if you didn’t care.
I think it wouldn’t matter at all.
But if you saw what I see.
We talk through electronics,
Pretending we’re deaf, dumb, and blind.
A “less than” and “three” is how I know,
You really heart me.

It would be wrong if you heard this song.
I think no one should hear it at all.
Track Name: Just To Fall In Love With You
I want to spend my life just growing old with you.
I could stay up all night just to fall in love with you.
I could spend all my time growing old with you.
I could stay up all night just to fall in love with you.
Track Name: (Dog On A Leash) Out Of Reach
Like a dog on a leash,
And the light turns green and he goes.
Wanting what’s out of reach,
And he pulls and he cuts his throat.

Why can’t I control myself?
Why is it so easy to give in?
I can’t reach my goals myself.
I thought this world was easy to live in.

Like a bird in a cage,
And he thinks that it’s strange that he can’t fly
And he can’t see the lock,
And he screams and he squawks and he cries,
But he still tries.

Why can’t I control myself?
Why is it so easy to give in?
I can’t reach my goals myself.
I thought this world was easy to live in.
Track Name: Why She Wanders
And he wonders where his love goes.
And she wonders how much he knows.

So, will you miss her when I kiss her?
When I say goodnight, she’ll be by my side.
And when I hold her I’ll console her,
And I won’t wonder why she wanders.

And he ponders, “Will her love grow?”
But she’s fonder of someone he knows.

So, will you miss her when I kiss her?
When I say goodnight, she’ll be by my side.
And when I hold her I’ll console her,
And I won’t wonder why she wanders.
Track Name: Not Her Guy
Maybe I try too hard.
Maybe I cry too hard.
And I’m not thin enough.
I don’t fit in enough.

I can’t change but I can still try.
Rearrange me till I’m just right.
Maybe that’s why I’m not her guy.

Maybe I drink too much.
Maybe I think too much.
And I’m just not that nice.
I don’t take my own advice.

Seems so strange I still get so shy.
When I speak my mouth gets so dry.
Maybe that’s why I’m not her guy.

What does he got that I don’t got?
Maybe he’s everything I’m not.

Maybe I’m just too weird.
Maybe that’s what I feared.
And I’m not right for her.
I’ll never fight for her.

I can’t change but I can still try.
Rearrange me till I’m just right.
Maybe that’s why I’m not her guy.
Track Name: Silent Movie Star
I want to be a silent movie star like Charlie Chaplain,
And I’d go roller skating through the mall to see what happens.
I wouldn’t care what people think of me or what they reckon,
While I’m flying past the crowd at what appears to be me travelling at 50 frames per second.
Silent movie star.

A baseball biopic and I would be the great bambino,
Or I could be Monsieur Beaucaire like Rudolph Valentino.
I wouldn’t have to learn to sing or dance in my profession,
But I would really have them laughing through the great depression.
Silent movie star.

One day if I go walking and I pass you,
Don’t take offense if I don’t say “How you do?”
I’m only practicing for my big debut,
And you will understand when you see my review.

My only fears are grand pianos that could drop on top of us,
Or accidentally begin a civil war between the people of the futuristic city of Metropolis.
Silent movie star.

I want to be a silent movie star like Charlie Chaplain,
So I could be the talk of every person in Manhattan,
And everyone would know my face and all of my expressions,
And if I get my wish my life would be complete perfection.
Silent movie star.
Silent movie star.
Track Name: Just My Words
Shannon,
Though your seven thousand miles away,
And I don’t have very much to say,
I still think about you every day,
And I wonder if you’d like to play.

Shannon,
I’ll be the king and you can be the queen.
Choose the place and we can make a scene.
We can fall into our same routine.
Fact or fiction, somewhere in between.

If I could hold you with just my words,
I’d say it over and over till you heard,
The words I wanna say I just can’t find,
But if I found them you would lose your mind.

Shannon,
Hope you’re not as sad as yesterday,
When you’re parents when their separate ways,
And I know that it may sound cliché,
But I promise that you’ll be okay.

Shannon,
I’ll be you and you pretend you’re me.
We can share each other’s sympathy,
Cause we both know that we’re so lonely.

If I could hold you with just my words,
I’d say it over and over till you heard,
The words I wanna say I just can’t find,
But if I found them you would lose your mind.
Track Name: Kimberly Callous
Kimberly Callous left from her house,
They saw her leaving alone, but she didn’t come home.
Andrew McEnery, I heard that when he,
Called her up on the phone, there was nobody home.

She said goodbye to her old life,
So tell everyone that she’s alright.
Tell her only friend, she’ll see him again,
And that she’s fine.

Family members came in December,
Tried to knock on her door, she’s not there anymore.
Nobody knows where Kimberly goes,
They just hope she’s okay and she’ll be back someday.

She said goodbye to her old life,
So tell everyone that she’s alright.
Tell her only friend, she’ll see him again,
And that she’s fine.

Kimberly, we hope you find a place,
Where you can feel like you belong.
Can’t you see we all agree,
That you deserve to feel so young and strong,
Where you belong?
Kimberly Callous
Track Name: Dave's Love
Dave sits by the pool,
And he smokes a hundred cigarettes every day.
He probably thinks I’m a fool,
Because I never understand a thing that he’ll say to me.

Dave doesn’t bother me,
He just sits in the corner till five.
Sometimes he’s grandfatherly,
When he tells me about Vietnam and of how he survived.

Dave, why do your hands shake?
Do you need another cigarette break?
What makes your heart ache?
How much more of all this shit can you take?

Dave’s wife never nags,
Because he says he’ll give up cigarettes every day.
And she probably brags,
Cause she forgets he tells her every time the exact same way.

Dave doesn’t lie to her,
He just hates when he makes her upset.
Sometimes I still cry for her,
When he tells me about her dementia and how she forgets.

Dave, why do your hands shake?
Do you need another cigarette break?
What makes your heart ache?
How much more of all this shit can you take?

And as the years go by,
I still think about Dave and his wife.
And after my tears have all dried,
I’ll still think about Dave and his love for the rest of my life.

Dave, why do your hands shake?
Do you need another cigarette break?
What makes your heart ache?
How much more of all this shit can you take?
Track Name: The Widow and The Angel
The widow wakes up at midnight,
Calls the angel to her home.
The angel asks her if she’s alright.
The widow answers she’s alone.

The angel drives across the city,
Meets the widow by the door.
The angel’s voice is filled with pity,
She finds the husband on the floor.

Is there anything I can do,
To make the whole thing better for you?
If there anything I can say,
Just to make you feel a little okay?
Something I could do?

The widow worries that there might be,
Some who want to make her pay.
Men in coats who want her money,
The angel scares them all away.

Is there anything I can do,
To make the whole thing better for you?
If there anything I can say,
Just to make you feel a little okay?
Something I could do?
Something I could do?
Something I could do?
Track Name: Bereaver
Curses while the hearse is being parked.
Storming through the home that’s still completely dark.
She knows the path better than the back of her hand.
Makes me laugh, I’ll bet nobody else understands,
About the night that felt so right but might at first had felt a little frightful
Was so delightful.

Picking up a woman at four in the morning,
Way before the son and daughter are mourning.
Take her to the home and then that’s where we leave her.
Then I saw her face and now I’m a bereaver.

Weeks go by her heart is getting cold.
We don’t laugh at all, our jokes are getting old.
And I’m wound tighter than a funeral drum.
And I’ve found why nobody else ever comes,
On a ride that felt so right but now I wonder why I can’t stop crying,
And feel like dying.

Picking up a woman at four in the morning,
Way before the son and the daughter are mourning.
Once she took me home I knew she was a keeper.
Then I saw her face and now I fear the reaper.

Bitchin’ Mortician who broke my heart.
What really kills me is she told me from the start when we were,

Picking up a woman at four in the morning,
Way before the son and the daughter are mourning.
Once she took me home I knew I’d never leave her.
Then I saw her face and now I’m a bereaver.
Then I saw her face and now I’m a bereaver.
Then I saw her face and now I’m a bereaver.
Track Name: Last Laugh
MALE:
Have you looked at yourself in the mirror, baby?
Take a glance and you might just see what you’ve become.
Did you think that a dozen roses maybe,
Could erase all the damage you have done.

FEMALE:
I said I’m sorry,
It only was one time.
Call me your baby,
I want you to be mine

MALE:
All is fair in love and war,
I hope you’re ready for that fight.

BOTH:
Who will have the last laugh tonight?

FEMALE:
At the party when your friends were arriving,
I slowly started becoming cellophane.
Did you think getting in your car and driving,
Wouldn’t also be driving me insane?

MALE:
I gave you warning.
I thought you knew the deal,
And in morning,
You can tell me how you feel.

FEMALE:
All is fair in love and war,
Out of mind and out of sight.

BOTH:
Who will have the last laugh tonight?

FEMALE:
And I’m finding it hard to believe that what you said was true.

MALE:
And I wish I could take back every time I said I love you.

FEMALE:
And if you try to phone or text then
You can expect my dial tone,
And you can have the last laugh alone.

MALE:
Maybe we’ve both made mistakes.
I forgot how her heart breaks.
I’d take back every word I said,
Tell her I love her instead.
I just have to let you know,
I can’t bear to let you go.
I’ll show you you’re not alone,
Just pick up your telephone.

FEMALE:
Hey, it’s me. I’m not at the phone,
So leave me a message at the tone.
I’ll get back to you.

MALE:
Thanks for the laughter,
And all the time that you and I spent.
But if you have to,
Pretend that I didn’t say what I meant,
You can believe a lie.
You can pretend you had the last laugh.
I can pretend that you had the last cry.
Track Name: Sit Forever
I know that I fill up on bread and appetizers.
I’m too optimistic for surprises.
Different vices, different shapes and sizes.
I figure out the plot before the movie starts.
I’ve seen this one before in several parts.
I hate to have to break two hearts today,
But it’s been such a long time without foreplay.

I never finish jigsaw puzzles,
Because I cry each time I have to take apart them.
They sit forever cause I never have the heart
And I can’t take it so I fake it
but my heart is finally breaking.

Into a thousand pieces on the floor and on the table.
I promise I will pick them up as soon as I am able.

I know I laugh at jokes before the joke is funny.
Spend it all before I have the money.
Upside down umbrella when it’s sunny,
For pennies from heaven.

I never finish all my songs after I start them.
They sit forever cause I never have the heart
And I know I can’t take rejection
So I hang on to affection
And I fake it till I make it
But my heart can hardly take it.

It shatters into pieces on the floor and my piano.
Track Name: Back Inside
I’m all alone on the balcony.
Nobody out her but me.
Wondering how far I am from the ground.
No one would see me, no one’s around.

I’d never do it, I’m not that sad.
Life is complacent but never that bad.
But you won’t believe all the days that I’ve had.
Where I’ve come so close to the fall.
I can hardly sit out here at all.

Then I go back inside like I always do,
Sit on my couch and play Portal 2,
Radio dial on 102.5
I’m still alone but I’m still alive.

I’m all alone on a Friday night.
Moment’s like this when I might.
Wondering why I have no one at all.
No one would see me, no one would call.

I’d never do it, I’m not that desperate.
Life will get better, when I’m reaching respite.
But you won’t believe, how depressed that I get,
When I get so filled with despair,
And I wonder if anyone cares.

Then I go back inside like I always do,
Sit on my couch and watch Doctor Who,
Radio tuned into W.O.L.D.
Better to be than to not to be.

Better to be than to not to be,
Still alive.
Track Name: Two Of Me
I wish there were two of me,
So we could sing harmony when we’re by ourselves.
We won’t need technology.
We could do it old-fashionedly all by ourselves.
We could never disagree
When it’s only me and me.
We would never worry.

Cause I already fight with myself,
And say goodnight to myself,
See life in black and white by myself.
I don’t need anybody else,
Cause I already lie to myself.

I wish there were two of me,
And we’d play Monopoly when we’re by ourselves.
No electric company,
And we share all the property between ourselves.
We would never disagree,
When we decide which piece to be.
We would never worry.

Cause I already play with myself,
And spend the day with myself,
Run out of things to say to myself.
I don’t need anybody else,
Cause I already hate myself.
Track Name: Say Goodbye
You say we both won’t brave the weather,
So why not spend tonight together.

You and I could spend some time together for a while.
We could talk of all the little things that make us smile.
Then we say goodbye.

You say you see no point in trying.
I’d rather be with you than crying.

You and I could spend some time together for a while.
We could talk of all the little things that make us smile.
Then we say goodbye.
Track Name: I Won't Sleep While You're Gone
I can’t sleep at all this week.
I toss and turn beneath my sheets,
Without a bed to rest my head upon.

Someday soon I’ll get my rest,
But I will never feel my best.
Without your love, I won’t sleep while you’re gone.

I’ll dream of you every night,
And in my dreams we’ll never fight,
But only when you return.
Until then, I will toss and turn.

Spoken:
Honey child, I can’t sleep at all this week.
I’ve been tossin’ and turnin’ beneath my sheets,
Without a bed to rest my head upon.
Someday soon I’m gonna get my rest,
But I ain’t never gonna feel my best.
Without your love, darlin’, I won’t be sleeping while you’re gone.

I’ll dream of you every night,
And in my dreams we’ll never fight,
But only when you return.
Until then, I will toss and turn.

Someday soon I’ll get my rest,
But I will never feel my best.
Without your love, I won’t sleep while you’re gone.
Track Name: Used To Be
I used to be so in love with you,
Before you left and never said goodbye.
I always thought I’d have a chance with you,
And I could dance with you,
But now I glance at you,
And it makes me want to cry.

Do you remember all the time we shared?
And I was there the night he broke your heart.
Sometimes I wonder if you think of me,
And you’re in sync with me,
Though we are far apart.

Some nights you’re on my mind,
But I can’t seem to find,
Your number but I still have it memorized.
And I hope you believe me,
It’s harder to forget than I had realized,
When I look in your eyes.
Suddenly I’m paralyzed,
And I feel half my size.

I used to have such a crush on you,
But I would have to keep it to myself.
I used to blush when I would see your face,
When you were at my place,
I dressed up just in case,
You put my on your shelf.

Do you remember when you kissed my cheek?
I played it cool pretending not to care.
But then for weeks that all I thought about,
Trying to figure out,
If what you did was fair.

Some nights I play your song,
But I still think it’s wrong,
If you heard it but I still have it memorized.
And I hope you believe me,
It’s harder to forget than I had realized,
When I look in your eyes.
Suddenly I’m paralyzed,
And I feel half my size.
Track Name: Play You Piano Man
You say, play me Piano Man.
I say, pay me a dollar and I can.
You want something by Jon Bon Jovi,
I would rather just play you an oldie.

I could play Movin’ Out or Captain Jack,
Till it gives me a heart attack ack ack ack ack ack.
I could sing you a song if you want me to.
You could all sing along if you wanted to.
I know all of the words to Jack and Diane.
Please don’t ask me to play you Piano Man.
If it’s your favorite song I would understand.
You can pay me to play you Piano Man.

Please play Sweet Caroline if you could.
You know everyone thinks it is so good.
I do You Lost That Lovin’ Feelin,
But you would rather hear Don’t Stop Believin’.

Ba ba baby you ain’t seen na nothing yet,
Or maybe ba ba ba ba Benny and the Jets.
I could sing you a song if you want me to.
You could all sing along if you wanted to.
We could all sing to ba ba ba Barbara Ann.
Please don’t ask me to play you Piano Man.
If it’s your favorite song I would understand.
You can pay me to play you Piano man.

You say, play me Piano man.
I say, pay me a dollar and I can.
Track Name: Long Winded Metaphor
Nowadays, I only write in 3/4 or 6/8
What I play only sounds right with these chords,
Played this way.

I write cynical lyrics,
Masked with a melody.
Well thought out grievances,
Spoken more honestly.
Long winded metaphors,
But you know what I mean,
It’s worse than the tear in the condom you bought in the
Gas station bathroom vending machine.

Nowadays, all my friends don’t call me,
Or write me.
They all have somebody else who loves them,
Or needs them.

I’ve got nothing but strangers,
Masked with a memory.
Apathy warriors,
Invisible enemies,
Fear and self-loathing,
But I know you’ll agree,
It’s worse than the tear in the condom you bought in the
Gas station bathroom vending machine.

Nowadays, all my of songs just fade out.

I write cynical lyrics,
Masked with a melody.
Well thought out grievances,
Spoken more honestly.
Long winded metaphors,
But you know what I mean,
It’s worse than the tear in the condom you bought in the
Gas station bathroom vending machine.